willpower not a good painkiller

Narcotic withdrawal is bloody awful. After being on painkillers regularly for years, I decided enough was enough and weaned myself off of them. It was so bad I asked my doctor to put me in rehab but she's a dumb bitch and didn't. At any rate, I was sick with it for maybe five months, trying to step down slowly and it's been a month, maybe two now, that I haven't taken any. I still have some in a bottle in case it got bad enough to want them. I haven't had a day so bloody awful as this in months, apparently. I dreamed about them last night, even. My husband woke me up at 1:30 because of my vocalized sounds of anguish in my dream, and it's hard as hell to wake that man up, I have to wonder if I was screaming in his ear? Whatever I was doing, I lost the dream as soon as he woke me, which is very perculiar- I can remember dreams I've had thirty years ago. My dream recall is astounding. I just remember pain, so much pain. The dream that woke me up this morning was the same theme- pain. I had splinters of glass in my right leg, everywhere. I was hopping around some bizarre bus station of hell in the dream. At some point I got to a pharmacy and they gave me the wrong medicine, and there was tons of narcotics in the box. That both thrilled and horrified me as I knew I wouldn't take them but liked knowing I had them anyway. I never did get the glass out of my leg or make it out of the bus station in my dream, but when I woke up I could see the first glimmers of daylight and got warily out of bed. Usually I can work the pain out through stretching and a percussion massager, muscle relaxers and a hot shower, something. Today: nothing. Zero, zippo, zilch. I crave those damn painkillers just for a break in the never ending pain, but I know that's all it will be- a break. So I keep plugging away at getting my body to stop this wretched mutiny, proud that I'm not giving in to a tempting bottle of pills, but I have to confess that my pride is not as relieving as narcotics would be. Back to work...