New Years Eve- the holiday of drunks. I know I am a New Years Grinch, but I am always startled by the excitement of this holiday. Whats the big deal? I buy a new calendar and stick it on the wall tomorrow. Whoodeedoo! A lot of people go out and get drunk...while I see the socializing as useful, the rest of it is crap. I mean, the drunken part in particular. Driving in particular. Scores of people driving around like brainless maniacs with the potential to kill themselves and each other. For what? To celebrate the purchase of a new calendar? -long pause- I fail to see the point. Ok, some people use this "holiday" to make Resolutions. Besides the fact that most will break their resolutions (lower case now intended), why wait till one day? All year you can put off making any worthwhile change in your life, hell, just shlop along till Dec. 30 and then get drunk and promise yourself unrealistic things you know in your heart of hearts you really don't expect to carry out. You'll wait, maybe a week (but that would be lame) maybe a few weeks- I mean, how long can it be until your freinds forget what you promised to do? So you wait until you're fairly sure no one will give you hell about it and drop it all like a hot potato. In the meantime, you could have already accomplished whatever it was and feel better about yourself already. Like quitting smoking- seemingly the ultimate New Years Resolution- how many accomplish it? How many resolve to do so, knowing it's a joke? Me? I've never taken anyones resolutions seriously- even before I became the Sourpuss of the Year. Why do I despise this dopey occasion? Well, I'll tell you. I drove from Detroit to Kalamazoo one year, to spend New Years with some friends of mine. Granted, my frame of mind wasn't the best. I was escaping my marriage of 2 months, to a man I just discovered was certifiably nuts. Looking into the next year was not thrilling, considering my impending divorce. Ok, these things aside, I follow some drunken moron down I-95 for 2 hours, watching him speed up, slow down, veer off the road, driving over the line, almost creaming countless other cars. People blowing their horns at him, I a follow this stupid idiot for TWO HOURS flashing my brights at him, honking, trying anything to intimidate this blundering jackass into pulling off the road. Nothing. Finally he sees a rest area and pulls off. I follow him, and pull up next to him to park. I wait. He eventually opens the door and just sits there, stupidly looking around, obviously clueless as to why he's there and what he's doing next. I watch him stand up and fall out of the car. He gets up, stumbles around and sits back down. I get out and approach him. He stares at me like a deer caught in the headlights and I can't help it, I start yelling. He is middle aged, I am all of 18, and I rip him a new one in the parking lot, "What are you thinking? How drunk are you? I've followed you for 2 HOURS flashing my lights at you! Have you even noticed? You've almost hit people, driven off the road!" My speech is littered with obscenities I probably can't blog and won't try. He stares at me. I tell him had I SEEN a cop I would have him arrested by now. He says nothing, just sits there wobbling around. I look around, there are no cops. This is before cell phones were rampant, and I am at a loss what to do next. I go back to my car and wait. He eventually stumbles up to the rest room. I hope he passes out. I sit and wait for 30 minutes. Maybe he's choked on his own vomit. Who knows? I feel defeated and useless and drive away. I go to the party at my friends house. Band, tons of people, all getting drunk. I see it all as stupid and futile and I'm sullen, morbid. I don't think I've really enjoyed a New Years sinse then. I guess it's sad. That, I think is the curse of enlightenment. Like the circus- once you know the animals are treated harshly, and sometimes abused, it's never magical again. Just sad.
That said, Happy New Year.
At least we have a way of counting for the sake of history. Hoorah!

Well, here I go. Feeling at a crossroads, a precipice, exhilarated. Wind at my back, sun on my face, that sort of thing. Why? I spent the weekend cleaning my house. Sounds incongruent? It's not. I've decided that I'm irritated, frustrated and uninspired. Every day is a seemingly endless cycle of the same household tasks. I am not anal. I just have a lot of stuff. Too much stuff. Too much "oh, I'll fix that" and "someday I'll sew that" stuff. Screw it. I've decided to liberate myself and get rid of it all. Just the extra stuff. Spent all weekend doing it. My house feels lighter, I feel lighter, and when I look around I don't see a mountain that screams ORGANIZE ME!!!! Instead I see possibilites...opportunities. I see more crap I can get rid of. I also see an open space where I can create. As any artist knows, this is exciting.
I thought maybe I'd post something about all the idiots on the road today and now I'm home and I don't think they're so important anymore. I feel the sense of haven here I didn't before. Why did I save all that crap for so long? What will it take for me to remember not to do that again? And why do I usually use anger to inspire me to action? These things I shall ponder.