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Monday, February 08, 2010

total eclipse of my bad mood

Being an eighties kid, I could not help but laugh myself sick all the way through this. There are other "literal" video versions out there, but I missed most years of MTV after the early to mid eighties so they don't have quite the same impact as I've never seen them in the first place. This... is goddamn priceless. Enjoy.

smut alert

You may notice that bit by bit parts of my old sex blog are reappearing in the archives.

Oh. Surprise!

*smooch*

Thursday, February 04, 2010

ew, hai.

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Take those shiny rings
children playing grownups
adore their dressed up things
but this is not the world you knew, child
this is not the world you knew

Close those golden eyelids down
here: the picture shows of memories
weave dandelions into your crown
these are not the worlds you knew, child
these are not the worlds you knew

"This is going to hurt," she whispers
a lifetime of still frames contrast and stiffen
blurred edges leap out as sharp corners, a whimper
these are not the memories you held, child,
these are not the memories you held

"THIS was your life," she darkly intones
hot flash images rain dark upon innocence
each soft raising of flesh met with the cracking of bones
this is not the world you made, child
this is not the world you made

Where are you?
Come find me
just as soon as you've forgotten who I am and why you seek me
not a moment sooner
we'll dress in plundered fineries
and sail the snarling uncertain seas.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

in shock, not awe: bad lil johnny appleseed

Years ago I befriended a woman whose son was in the same daycare as my son. We would often run into each other when it was time to pick them up and stand about chatting for ridiculous amounts of time until it became obvious that we should just hang out somewhere OTHER than the parking area.

In retrospect, the parking area was fabulous.

In reality, I realized right away that we were, in fact, NOTHING alike and although we could enjoy each others company we obviously disagreed on some major issues like parenting styles, marriage styles, and all around morality.

Sometimes these are things that can be worked around. Sometimes they are not.

In our case, we hung out outside of the parking lot just a few times before she moved from town and so the issues never really became issues. We've kept in contact over the years and gave been friendly with each other, never going so far as to telephone each other but email, the occasional Christmas card, that sort of thing, yes, we kept up with that. Networking sites...

Tonight I was on her Facebook profile and realized that her son has a profile as well. I clicked on it, assuming I would see nothing because he is underage and even if he wasn't, surely she would know better than to leave her child's profile available for any freak to look at, or any friend to ah *ahem* judge.

Here's the thing: her child is an absolute hellion.

I'm being terribly polite. He's a little dick. The fact that he's twelve is all that's stopping me from using stronger language to describe my impression of him. What's truly sad is that if I had stopped knowing her when they moved away, and just had to work with what I knew of their family dynamic at the time and the way her son behaved back THEN, I would still have come up with the profile I was boggled to be looking at this evening.

No. No, that isn't true. I'm far more optimistic. In my heart of hearts I might have feared he would be as awful as he apparently is, but I would not have outright assumed that he was. This is backed up by the fact that I was horrified and repulsed by his profile. Had I truly expected that, I wouldn't have had such a strong reaction.

Earlier I had told my son that the kid had a Facebook profile and he said, "Oh yah? I'll have to send him a friend request...if he still remembers me." I was perusing the kid's profile after my son went to bed, so he wasn't awake long enough for me to inform him that he would do no such thing, nor would he want to after reading it anyway. My son is even more sunny and optimistic than I and I am quite certain he will look over the boys profile with his jaw slack and in total shock, with much sputtering and exclamations of, "What!? How could he...?! Seriously, what the...!?" while wising filling in the ellipses in his head and not out loud, something this other child could have learned.

But Jill, you may be asking yourself, are you judging the child alone? Aren't children the products of their environment?

Oh yes indeed, dear reader, oh yes indeed. And my next jumble of thoughts went over knowing that the mother and son write on each others profiles, it's not as if she's somehow clueless, and therefore his behaviour is condoned in some way or another, and if you've already figured out where this is heading then I assure you that NO, I do NOT wish to be friends, however remotely, with a woman who raises a boy to become a man like that. Oh little but ever growing shop of HORRORS.

I walked away from the computer and paced in the kitchen for a bit. I talked it out with my husband as audience. I wanted to be sure that my deleting this woman as friend and allowing our friendship to slip into the void was not something I was reacting to, but rather acting on, albeit years belatedly. Had she stayed in town and we had hung out in person just a bit more, this all would have become unavoidable in short order- instead it's been over seven years in the making. And to clarify, I do not friend and unfriend people willy nilly, be it in the realm of Facebook or real life- my own sets of personal boundaries and those I respect of others leave no gray areas, it's all or nothing. I don't mean every blistering detail of your life must be open to me or vice versa, but that I don't bother wasting time on half assed friendships or try hard to build up trust with people who have proven themselves unworthy, I don't give third chances to people who behave horribly and emotionally abusive (second chances can happen, people can do horrid things under stress but not repeatedly- that's not stress, that's a character flaw), and I cannot abide by people who have morals in direct conflict with mine- that's not to say I cannot respect difference and appreciate a person anyway, I mean things like repeatedly cheating on one's spouse, the sorts of things that equate to emotional abuse of other people even if those people aren't me because *duh* sooner or later that same lack of respect for other people will be turned in my direction, of course. It's not even that. The kharmic fallout of people like that is wretched and I have no desire to watch their train wreck in slow motion. So, my deciding to eradicate a friendship is simply that: eradication. Life is too short for gray areas and bothering with people who don't respect boundaries or don't appreciate your own.

If only I could be so clear sighted when it comes to lovers. Oh, the irony.

At any rate, after a bit of pacing and blathering I quickly came to it: there simply was not much to lose. It was demonstrated by the ease of which the undoing occurred- click "remove friend" from Facebook, delete her entry in my email contacts, one two that's it.

I choose to surround myself with as many good people as I can and being the best person I can be. Now I'm merely curious to see how my son reacts when I show him the boys profile. Will he be more forgiving, more open to differences? If I were a betting woman, I'd put it all on "Nope". Not because I don't feel my child has a less iron clad set of boundaries that I do (at twelve I might think it was odd if he didn't) but that this particular childs set of horrid characteristics will set off full alarms in my son as well. He is a gentle soul, and this other boy... I think my son may not have the word "crass" available in his regular vocabulary yet, but that would be the word he would describe the boy with if he had the word to use. If I were a betting woman, I would bet he will try to get away with using the phrase "asshat", perhaps a bit under his breath or saying, "Wow, what a BLEEP hat!"

Time will tell. It has a way of doing that, dontcha know.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

putting it in perspective

On dealing with Style and Privacy:

Mr. Richard Burton and Miss Elizabeth Taylor (who are so great that both of them even brought style to marriage) once complained openly that the newsmen in Italy seemed likely at any moment to photograph one or the other of them in the bathroom. The way to deal with this problem (if it is one) is not to build a higher wall around the house but to learn to urinate with style.


~ Quentin Crisp (from The Wit and Wisdom of Quentin Crisp)

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

oh. my. goodness.

Monday, January 18, 2010

words of realistic wisdom

Twitter is not for me. I do not tweet. However, I am really, truly thankful that this guy does: shitmydadsays. Personally, I love the shit his dad says.
"Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that." 10:40 AM Nov 4th, 2009 from web
"The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out." 9:51 AM Oct 22nd, 2009 from web
"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double parked." 12:59 PM Oct 18th, 2009 from web
"I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that." 10:11 AM Oct 16th, 2009 from web

Friday, January 15, 2010

grin and bear it

Dude. The inside of one of my arms itches, but if I scratch it, it makes these pinpoint little red marks all over, as I am bursting little blood vessels under the skin. Sometimes having weird skin is a pain- I mean, I'm just scratching an itch, right? It's not like I'm taking a garden rake to my arm here, so what's the big deal? Instead I type these words in the hope that the itchy area will shut up and AAARGH it is not doing that at all. Maybe writing about it isn't such a brilliant plan but DUDE.

You know what would be awesome? To be a bear. Yah. To be a bear would be awesome, and I could rub up against a tree. Aw, man, that would be great.

"I WANT TO BE A BEAR!"
~Descendents

I think I may have dated these scientists...

...no, really, there were a few guys who... well. At least they have good jobs now, right?

Scientists also fail to find evidence of the clitoris | newsarse.com

Thursday, January 14, 2010

eat mud, Buddhist!!

Many years ago, being "New Age" seemed to be all the rage, and everyone who was even vaguely bonkers would claim to be healers or shamans or psychics, they weren't blathering maniacs no no they were CHANNELING, and so it came to be that the phrase "New Age" and all of the beautiful wonderful things it encompasses, things I still hold very dear to me, were sullied by the terminology of their categorization.

I stopped using the term "New Age" and just referred to things as they were.

Recently, or perhaps the last few months roundabouts, it seems that "Buddhist" has begun to take up the slack where "New Age" became too worn out and transparent. And I sigh...

So many things Buddhism is and is not.

The trend that I find disheartening is the freaky whacked out weirdos that can't find a way to fit into humanity and the world around them, those who seek peace but cannot seem to find it within (and thus cannot find it without) tend to carry on about being hermits, finding silence, shunning the ways of the world (as a Facebook status update that is just so backasswards as to be pinch-ably cute), and talk loftily about themselves going out into the world but not being OF it, when in truth they would rather hide under a rock and poke anyone with a stick that bothers them, because in truth they are simply way too unstable to deal with the world.

*shakes head*

Really, I'm tiring of it.


Being a Buddhist, I know full well I am a blundering mess. I may occasionally quote something inspiring or beautiful, but for the most part, I like my Buddhism the way I like my life: growing up out of wet dirt.

If it were possible to take all these lofty ideals and fluffy nonsense speak these folks spout off and condense it into an applicable enema, I would love to see the expression of enlightenment pass over their faces as all of those pretty words they say fill their innards with the air of which they speak: they speak of nothing at all.

Wait, is this a koan? No. No, it's not.

It's just me ranting about people making themselves out to be pure and lofty and enlightened and just intellectualizing all of the confusion and muck in their lives because they don't want to or know how to deal with it. It's like they could shoot up smack and check out for awhile, or they could quote Buddhist sayings and talk all around the real issues that affect their lives without ever speaking of anything at all. Either way, it's still avoidance, but one doesn't leave track marks, one seems intellectual.

They aren't pushing the river but they won't stick a toe in it, either. Instead they sit on clouds of words.

Sometimes I just wanna mud wrestle people. Like, for real. Take those high falootin' Buddhist jabberwockies and push them into a mud pit, dive in after them, and rub mud in every freaking crevice they have. When they try to get out, I'd grab them by the foot and haul them back in. Be ONE with the mud. Be ONE with the Earth.



Life is messy. Roll up your sleeves and get on with it.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Target Practice


Target Practice, originally uploaded by Balakov.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Genius: How to make money with your computer, your bizarre sense of humor, and all that spare time on your hands

The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation

Sunday, January 10, 2010

yes. just yes. please.



Yoga Styling - Yoga Swings and Props

I need a Doctor.